December 24th- Them by D.P. Patricks

The idea for this story came to me at about 2am. When I hadn’t gotten back to sleep by 4, I got up and wrote it.

“What’s wrong, Starsk? You seem kind of tense tonight.”

“I’m just gettin’ a little tired of it, Hutch. That’s all.”

“Tired of what?”


“‘Them’ who?”

Them! The ones who’re watchin’ all the time. Lookin’ over our shoulders. Writin’ their stories and lettin’ their friends read ’em.”

“Oh, them.”

“Yeah. I mean, what’s wrong with all the other shows? Why do they have to write about us all the time?”

“They don’t, Starsk. Fandom’s huge. There are millions of stories out there. Only a tiny proportion are about us.”

“Well, ours are the only ones I know about.”

“Good point.”

“What about ‘CHiPs’? Why don’t they….”

“Uh, Starsk…”

“Yeah, bad example. Sorry. But seriously, Hutch, what’d be wrong with writing about, oh say, ‘Emergency’?”

“I’m sure there are…”

“Gage and DeSoto. Now there was a team! Blond, dark, pals, buddies. Hmmm. I always wondered about them.”


“Or better yet, ‘The Man From U.N.C.L.E’! I loved that show. Always thought there was something about that stuck-up Napoleon Solo I didn’t like though.”


“Kuryakin now, he was damn cute!”


“What? Awwww, is my Hutchiepoo jealous?”

“I felt a twinge.”

“I’m pullin’ your leg, babe. You gotta know you’re the only blond that does it for me. The only one that ever has. Or ever will.”


“He was too short anyway.”


“‘Adam-12’ though. Now there was a series! Remember the one where Milner was trapped in his wrecked car?”

“In a canyon…”

“In Griffith Park. Geez, Hutch, I just realized. That’s like what happened to you.”

“In almost the same place.”

“I’m sorry, love, didn’t mean to bring up…”

“Kent McCord found him.”

“Yeah, he did.”

“Just like you found me.”

“‘We made it, partner’.”

“We sure did, Starsk.”

“My point is, Hutch, I’m startin’ to get a little self-conscious.”

“I haven’t noticed any performance anxiety.”

“Thanks, but I think that’s what I’m feelin’ sometimes. We never have a minute to ourselves. They’re always hoverin’, takin’ notes, writin’ stuff down.”

“It’s called research, Starsk.”

“I don’t care what it’s called! It’s an invasion of our privacy.”

“They are quite persistent, aren’t they?”

“I’ll say! They’re everywhere; here, your place, Metro, on stakeouts, in the squad room. I can’t even take a piss without one of ’em snickerin’.”

“Are you sure it was snickering, Starsk? Always sounds more like a sigh to me.”

“Yeah, well, you’re hung better ‘n I am.”

“That’s not true, and you know it. We’re just… hung… differently.”

“You’re long and fair and huge, Hutch. When you do me your cock reaches all the way to my heart.”

“Aw, Starsk, I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“It’s true, an’ just thinkin’ about it makes me want you inside me right now.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Not with them watchin’. Not this time.”

“Starsky, think about this for a minute. If they didn’t write their stories, and let all their friends read them, we wouldn’t be here.”


“We were only on for four seasons. A very long time ago. But we’re still around. We’re still young.”

“Not all the time. We’re old in some of the stories. We even die in some.”

“Yes, sometimes. One or the other of us.”

“That sucks.”

“I know. But we’re younger in some of them, too.”

“Yeah. The stories about you when you were a kid, growing up in Duluth? The times you spent with your grandfather. I love those.”

“I love the ones about you when you were in Brooklyn.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get along too well with your parents, Hutch. Those stories hurt me.”

“And I’m sorry you lost your father so young.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“We’re still here though, buddy. And as long as they keep writing their stories, we’ll stay here. Young, handsome, virile…”

“Successful cops, roundin’ up the bad guys and puttin’ ’em in jail.”

“So that the court system can let them out.”

“Don’t be stealin’ my thunder, Hutch. I’m the one in the grouchy mood.”

“Anything I can do about that, pal?”

“Leave your hand there for a second and we’ll see.”

“Wipe that smirk off your face or I’ll do it for you.”

“Like t’ see you try.”

Christmas_Ornaments_Border_by_mickeyd600“How was that?”

“I think I love you.”

“Oh Lord, do I hear a David Cassidy song there?”

“Seems to me you do. Sing it for me, Hutch.”

“No, Starsk, not now. I don’t even have my guitar.”

“You don’t need the guitar. Sing it. Please?”

I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you
Isn’t that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
That I’ve never felt this way.

I don’t know what I’m up against
I don’t know what it’s all about
I got so much to think about

Believe me, you really don’t have to worry
I only want to make you happy
And, if you say, “Hey, go away,” I will
But I think better still
I’d better stay around and love you
Do you think I have a case? Let me ask you to your face

Do you think you love me?
I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you

“That’s what I wanted t’ hear, babe.”

“Love you, Starsk.”

“So, where were we?”

“You were ranting about ‘them’ and I was trying to seduce you.”

“Did you succeed?”

“Not yet.”

“Well, what’re you waitin’ for?”

“A sign from you.”

“Oh. You mean something like this?”

“That’ll do. Shall we adjourn to the bedroom?”

“After you.”

“It won’t do any good to close the door, Starsk.”

“I know, but it’ll make me feel better.”

“Then, by all means, close it.”

“Can I help with your clothes?”

“Only if I can help with yours.”


“God, Starsky, I never get over how beautiful you are. And it doesn’t seem to matter how old they write you in the stories, or how young. You’re just… beautiful.”

“Ever look in the mirror, Blondie? Check the word ‘gorgeous’ in the dictionary and there’s a picture of you.”


“Truth teller.”

“We’ll discuss our mutual admiration society in the morning, okay? Right now, my curly-haired lover, I want to satisfy your every need.”

“You’re makin’ a good start there, Hutch. More… a little lower… Ah, yeah, that’s sooooooo good.”

“Still worried about them, Starsk?”

“‘Them’ who?”


I Think I Love You written by Gordon Strozier, Gerald Andre Valentine and Melvin Riley, Jr.


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34 Responses to December 24th- Them by D.P. Patricks

  1. exbex says:

    This strikes me as the most accurate fanfic ever written 😉

    Extra props for the Adam-12 shoutout. Starsky has such good taste.

    • pat says:

      I’m so relieved that you liked it, exbex. I was a little afraid I’d gone over the top but Flamingo thought it was ‘adorable’ when I sent it to her, so I kept my fingers crossed. Thanks so very much for reading it, then for letting me know it struck the right chord with you. I will treasure your words. Happy Holidays!!!

  2. myhnabird says:

    I love the part about fanfic keeping the characters alive. Nicely put. This is a great story! Sweet and warm and wonderfully loving. And they’re growing old together. Awwww….

    • pat says:

      Awwww, thank you, myhnabird, I’m so glad you liked it. I very much appreciate your comment about keeping the characters alive. I spent thirty-five years thinking I was the only one who remembered them (my own fault). Now I’m cherishing ever kind word I’ve received about my stories. Your “Sweet and warm and wonderfully loving. And they’re growing old together” have put a smile on my face that’ll last for the rest of the year!!! THANK YOU and Happy Holidays.

  3. Spencer5460 says:

    That was great! Especially since I know people who write for Emergency and UNCLE. So funny!

  4. pat says:

    Thanks, Spencer, I’m really glad you enjoyed it. I had a day-later version that corrected my mistake of referring to the actors (Milner and McCord) for Adam-12, instead of the characters (Malloy and Reed), as I’d done for the other shows. But I guess it got lost in the craziness that must have been Flamingo’s and the elves’ workshop. I’m just thrilled that three of y’all, so far, haven’t found my story offensive. I loved writing it and hoped others would enjoy the humor and love with which it was written.
    Thanks again, Spencer, for all your kind words and support, I appreciate them so very much. Pat

  5. Sam (samudee) says:

    Well. I’m with Starsky! I don’t know about others fandoms, either, because I write only for our boys 😉 I like it when Hutch gets jealous. Woo hoo! 😀
    This is a funny and sweet conversation between ‘truly ours’ and yup- we’ll keep’em young forever! Thank you so much, Pat, for another lovely story! Happy ending to our Advent!

    • pat says:

      I don’t know how many times I’ve said “thank you” to you during this calendar, Sammy, but here’s another: THANK YOU, SAMMY!!!! I’m just so glad you enjoyed this one, too. The only time I’ve written anything for another fandom was my SH/SG-1 crossover (still SH though), so I wouldn’t know about the ‘others’ either. “and yup- we’ll keep’ em young forever!” You’re more than welcome, and I’ll cherish your kind, wonderful words. Merry Christmas!

  6. Ursula Angstrom says:

    Very amusing story about the voyeuristic habits of fan fic writers, Pat. I loved the David Cassidy song. David Soul and David Cassidy are two of my favorite singers. This was charming. And I doubt anything could give Starsky performance anxiety. He’s just too sexy and interested in sex. The part where you talked about them being hug was great. Especially these lines: “You’re long and fair and huge, Hutch. When you do me your cock reaches all the way to my heart.”

    “Aw, Starsk, I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

    That was a sweet and provocative compliment.

    Your imagination is unique. I hope you suffer from insomnia caused by a story wanting to get out again soon.


    • pat says:

      What lovely things to say, Ursula. Thank you so very much! One of my favorite things about they way the story was posted? Flamingo’s line of ‘balls’ in the middle. I only had “………….” Her addition is so much more thought-provoking and incendiary. I’m going to write her a special Thank You, below. When I had the story appear in my head, at 2am, the Cassidy song was part of it. I had to research the lyrics and credits, of course, but the rest of it was there, whole cloth. I loved writing it; loved all those series, too (and, yes, Illya was short, but who cared? I actually toyed with the idea of making a reference to the fact that he’s still short on NCIS, but figured that was going a little too far). Although performance anxiety on Starsky’s part isn’t really believable, I thought he might be using a new ploy to get Hutch all turned on. And it worked!
      I’m really glad you picked up on my favorite lines, too.
      I’ve already suffered from my story-induced insomnia, several times since then. Results will be forthcoming, probably in the New Year. In the meantime, a very Merry Christmas, Ursula! Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Ursula Angstrom says:

    Giggle! I got so involved in the fantasies your story evoked in my mind, Pat, I couldn’t spell the word hung correctly. I hit send before I checked my spelling. Thanks for the wonderful distraction.


    • pat says:

      We’re a pair, then, Ursula. I was so wrapped up in my first-ever haiku, when I responded to ksstarfire’s lovely story, I spelled it wrong. Twice! Had to go back in a subsequent comment and apologize, grinning sheepishly. And all that after saying I’d gotten straight A’s in high school and college. They teach ‘spelling’ in grade school though, so maybe my brag wasn’t too far off.
      Believe me, my fingers were all fumbled up just writing those words, so I can understand completely. Thanks, again, my friend.

  8. pat says:

    My sincere gratitude and chuckling thanks for inserting those Christmas ‘balls’ in the middle of my story. All I gave you in my text was ‘………………..’ Your imagination (or that of one or more of your elves) substituted a much more provocative and lovely visual. Can you see my smile? THANK YOU!!!!!!!

  9. Kat says:

    Oh good grief but that was hilarious!

    “Or better yet, ‘The Man From U.N.C.L.E’! I loved that show. Always thought there was something about that stuck-up Napoleon Solo I didn’t like though.”

    Ha! Starsky and I have something in common! LOL! Thanks for the great read.

    • pat says:

      You’re very welcome, Kat; I’m so glad you enjoyed my little homage to SH fans. Since I never cared much for Solo (I was always an Illya fan), I had Starsky express my sentiments. I’m happy that you thought it was appropriate. Thank you hugely for following my stories on the calendar and for all your kind comments. I appreciate them more than you know. Happy Holidays and New Year!

  10. Kerrys2Boys says:

    Okay DP, I cannot let this one go without making comment. Thank you for missing sleep and getting up at 4am to let your muse run free. What struck me most about this fun little banter, was how you centered down on the very essence of what fanfic and fandom is all about. Keeping the characters alive and extending their worlds in every direction for us to enjoy forever, long after the original concept has gone from the media. Great stuff!

  11. pat says:

    Thank you very, very much K2B. I’m thrilled that one of my stories wouldn’t let you go until you’d commented . Unfortunately, my muse seems to be awake and running in the wheel in the middle of the night so, many times, I’ve had no alternative, but to get up and start typing. I have no earthly idea where this one came from, but it was there, almost fully written. I was just afraid readers would feel offended. I’m so glad at least some of you didn’t. Fandom has kept my favorite people alive and well (for the most part) for over 35 years and doesn’t seem likely to run out of steam in the foreseeable future. And aren’t we all lucky for that? Thanks so much for your kind words. I wish you and yours a very Merry and a Happy!

  12. Ellen says:

    We can all be thankful that your muse exists in a different time zone. Never doubt her when she won’t let you sleep! This was a wonderful story, and it made S&H feel more accessible, I think. Like they’re still two guys, living in the current day, as we snoop into their lives. Enjoyed it immensely! Thank you, and your muse!

    • Pat says:

      You’re very welcome, Ellen, I’m so glad you enjoyed it (my muse is grinning maniacally). I’ve written two stories (posted here on the site) where the guys are current age (as David, Paul and I are) but mostly I write them as how we were ‘then,’ mid-thirties. I and my muse find that’s how I still think of them. The fandom has done such a wonderful job of keeping them ‘alive and well’ that I truly think they may outlive all of us. And thank God for that!
      Thanks for reading, and then for letting me know you enjoyed. Your comment will be cherished. Happy New Year!

  13. tsilvy says:

    A bit late, but this needed commenting! So hot and yet so sweet, and of course, Hutch singing would send Starsky into overdrive right away. 😀
    Aaand… voyeur writing tendencies? Guilty! *raises hand* This actually made me feel a bit guilty about doing bad things to them. But they won’t be so bad that can’t be repaired, either. XD
    Thank you for this!

    • pat says:

      You’re quite welcome, tsilvy! Your ‘late’ comment is why I keep checking back. I really don’t want to miss thanking anyone who has taken the time to let me know they enjoyed my story. (I hope you check back and see my response.) As I said above, I was nervous about this one, but I’m thrilled that so many have found it fun. I LOVED writing it. We might all feel a little guilty about our voyeuristic tendency, but couldn’t write our stories without it, right? So, be as hovering as you need to be, just keep writing! Thanks so much for your very kind words. Happy New Year!

      • tsilvy says:

        Hee! I did find your response, and I do usually check back too. Feedback is so great, either giving or receiving or thanking and being thanked for! You’re welcome, and Happy New Year right back atcha! 😉

  14. Ly888ly888 says:

    Thanks to you and the rest of the contributors for keeping S & H alive this holiday season. It’s been such a treat to enjoy all the gifts posted here.

    Great story, imagining the characters aware of the fandom. I imagine that could induce performance anxiety. If they were smart, they’d find a safe place to hide where the fanfic writers couldn’t torment them!

    Thanks again for sharing. Wishing you a happy, healthy and muse-ful new year!

    • pat says:

      It has been a wonderful calendar, hasn’t it? For my part, you’re more than welcome! Thank you so much, Laura, for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed my ‘take’ on their relationship with fandom; it was fun to write. If you can think of a place where they’d be safe from fanfic writers, I’m sure they’d like to hear from you
      Thank you, again, for your kind words, and you have my wishes for a happy and muse-filled 2016 yourself! Take care.

  15. Calliatra says:

    OMG, what a fic! So funny in parts, then so sad in others, but all together such a lovely celebration of fandom and fanfic!

    • pat says:

      I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Calliatra! Thanks so much for writing and letting me know. It was a joy to write and it’s been lots of fun reading what others have thought about it. Let’s all carry fandom and fanfic happily into the New Year. Have a Happy!

  16. Elaine says:

    Too funny! This reads like a Venice Place fic, laughing at us ogling them as they live happily ever after. I loved the cameos by Adam 12 and Emergency and the other show. Sweetest comment about Hutch reaching Starsky’s heart. Thanks for the advent gift!

    • pat says:

      You’re reading ‘late,’ Elaine, but I’m still checking back so that I can thank you so much for writing to let me know you enjoyed this. I’ve never read any of the Venice Place fics, but I’ll take it as a compliment. I’m glad you enjoyed the references to other fandoms that I just know are out there, although I don’t read any of them. I’m strictly an S&H devotee. Take care, thanks again and have a very Happy New Year!

  17. marianrose says:

    Hilarious! This is very clever and I’m so glad that you stayed up late to finish it.

    • Pat says:

      Ah, thank you Marian. I’m thrilled you liked it; thanks so much for writing to let me know! Unfortunately, my muse is used to doing this to me now and knows I can’t resist, so………. Thank you again and happy Happy New Year!

  18. wightfaerie says:

    I’m getting there. LOL. Love this, Pat. Us fanfic girls do put the guys through it. We leave them with no dignity at all. Bless them. Can understand them getting grouchy sometimes. But, hey, that’s the price they pay for being them!! So funny and clever. Loved David Cassidy as well. Thank you.

    • pat says:

      There you are, WF! So glad you finally made it to The End of the AC. Great, wasn’t it? I’m really happy you enjoyed this little piece; wasn’t sure anyone would. But the comments have been kind, and positive; I’m thrilled. I hope you check back and see my response to your sweet words. You’re more than welcome and Thank You Very Much!

  19. Dawnebeth says:

    LOL–very funny dialogue and observations of the habits of fanfiction writers. Have you ever read Flamingo’s Venice Place stories which feature many of us who go to SHarecon.

    • Pat says:

      Boy am I glad I keep checking back, Dawn. I don’t want to miss expressing my appreciation to anyone who leaves a comment. Thank you so much! I’m happy that you found the dialog and observations funny. But, no, I haven’t read any of the Venice Place stories. Maybe my muse did and that’s why this one came to me almost completely written. I trust I haven’t plagiarized. I’m really hoping there will be a SHarecon this year. Is it too early to ask Flamingo? I would love to meet the ‘residents’ of Venice Place, as well as everyone else who attends. Hope you check back and see this. Thanks again for reading and then letting me know you liked. Happy New Year!

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